Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
