Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
