my mouth tastes like poor choices
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
