well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize