drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
