yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I need to align my fucking chakras
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
