My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
