having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
