just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
