Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
