Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
