Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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