What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
