I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
