how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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