evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
