My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
