belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize