I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
