this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
