He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
