I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
