new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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