laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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