Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
