On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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