this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
