Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
