i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize