if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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