the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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