the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
