; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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