even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
