hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i think i have two assholes
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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