Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
