I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
