"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
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