I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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