so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
