put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think I won the penis lottery.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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