my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i've created a new STD.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
