Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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