does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
