My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
