so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
