i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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