Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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