I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize