One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
