Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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