in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
