I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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