fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
