Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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