YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
