I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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