Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
