I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He passed out mid-signature
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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