I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
