i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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