so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
