My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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