And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
