if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
