well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
