I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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