yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
