i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
