addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
