Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
