Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
