so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
