Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
