I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
