needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize