yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
