my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
