"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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