i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I currently don't understand fingers.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
