and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She told me I should be a condom model.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
