Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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