I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
