A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
