i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
