There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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