i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
