the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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