you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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