So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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