Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
