i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
