i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Two words: nipple clamps
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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