why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
