i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
