White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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