6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
