I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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