Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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