I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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