No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
