And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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